Kashmiri abuses .!..

After 20 years of research, I’ve reached the inescapable conclusion that Kashmiris are one damn fine abusive race. Don’t believe it? Just watch out for any Kashmiri parent going hell bent after their kyaz-chukh-na-paraan offspring who are all naturally adchots. The only reason they don’t get hauled up by Red Cross is that they are damn funny! Imagine trying to portray nang mot as an irredeemable loss of childhood innocence, eh ? Since, I am the prototype beem ruudiuyo na kansi hund cze types, here’s to the crafty buggers and their collection of delightful pieces of linguistic ding-a-lings that are thrown at the thick skins of their own koshur kids.

Now, there are just 3 main types of “woh-wohs”:

Those dealing with character assassination, falling objects leading to loss of face associated with misery/penurious conditions and just irritating kids sticking-it-in-your-nose types.

In no order, here are the example of the woh-wohs; Most parents start off after their irritating kids with the more wailing woh-wohs like :

Hata kya goi (what now?), Kol darbadar chuk gomut (wanderer! desultory time-waster), khar (donkey), ponz (monkey), mot/nang-mot/khin-mot/gus-mot (not sure actually, its often a term of endearment too… but how can a gus-mot be lovable, beats me!) If the kid however, is as recalcitrant as ever, they escalate to adchot/adczot (idiot), beem roduyo na kansi hund che (not afraid of the old man anymore), mandchawan /mandchhavn koth [embarrassing goat! man! they bring goats (kaths) in every conversation], matzar chu aamut/tulmut (making everyone miserable), tasrup chui (not sure..is there an english translation ?)

Now, this is strictly for smaller fry. As the kid becomes bigger and meaner, his future and career are thrown open to everyone:

improved versions - Hangul hue chuk gomut (like someone big, mean and slow), Kol hakhuraa hyu goam agaaid (same), Kol mushraan hyu (someone useless?). These are basically eternal examples of wasted youth), kol brehasnatt/yahay chuk brahis natta hue gomut (bird brain! this brahis natta would’ve been quite a guy), mein chuk kal phaatravavaan (drives me nuts), matczar chu tulawaan (drives me nuts again...just more colorful and attuned to a more cribbing tone), monjj chuk thippaan (grossly wasting your time), raatmongul (night crawler) and Vaeraan gomut (have become a wild ass).

Now, misery is a very powerful force in kashmiri folklore. Neighbors are frequently described as follows: temis payee treth ( May llightning fall on him), fakeer kott (son of a poor gun) and zar chu gomut yemis (somebody deaf…darker than saying “mandalas manzh chu kyum chyamuth”or “che chai batak poth kyomut” which literaly translates as you’ve eaten a duck’s backside but actually means you talk too much).

If these don’t work, often character assassinating ones are invoked:Shikas/shikaslad/shikaslada (plague) etc , taavan paye temis (May hell’s fury be upon him…in a more vengeful tone), taawanzad(bringin bad luck)and hae che pai tapael/tapail (curse you, you idiot).

Ancient Gauls were afraid of the sky falling on their heads, Alexander was afraid of falling sick, & fall is a season which brings forth most allergies in US….notice anything common? Ha! koshur ppl knew the secret of the deadly curse of falling things, esp. body parts were useful things to have in your arsenal too. Sample the following:

pyayi buth vasith (may your face fall down), pyayi nas wasit (may your nose fall down), kaangar payee (may your kaangar, the coal-fired heater inside your phiran, fall down - don’t ask me what is supposed to happen next), tse peyi gardan wasith (may your neck fall down…eh? how??), paiya kal vasith (head falling) and pyayi kalhir vasith (more colorful way of head falling)

It’s hilarious…english translations are such a hoot! Anyway, ever since I’ve deciphered these deadly curses, my language skills have actually improved....